LIFE: Where I'm a smitten scaredy kitten

So yeah. Not real busted up over the busted relationship with J. I hardly think about him anymore. But someone I do think about? This guy that is good friends with several of my neighbors and another couple who don't live in my complex, all now my new friends and I shall call him D.

I've been around D a lot the last couple of months, between water volleyball , Friday night bowling league and a couple of bars we've hit. He is super duper nice, cute, funny, all that. We've talked a little, danced a little, hugged a little, he chose to ride with me to and from places a couple of times, he gave me his number (he also has mine) and he may have even kissed me (not "real" ones, btw) 2 or 3 times. Sure, they may have been a bit beer induced, but I think for the most part, you kind of know what you're doing and he wasn't so beer-y that he wouldn't realize what he did.

However...he hasn't called or asked me out on an actual date. But, he's going through a rough time right now personally and a big part of me thinks that's why. He just lost someone extremly close to him and he got laid off. Not a good thing considering the economy is in the crapper. He's trying to find work and so far, it just hasn't been found. I'm wondering, since a lot of guys identify themselves with their jobs and what they can do and/or bring to the table, if that is why. I'm telling you, World Wide Web, even my low self-esteem Pessimistic Polly side of me thinks there is something there.

So, I should just ask him out instead, right? Oh yeah sure. The thought of that? Scares the crap outta me. I broke up with J in an email because of my pansy-ness and now I want to ASK A NEW GUY OUT?? But I think I might. Friday night. Just a casual late night bite to eat after he bowls. I think I can do it. I shall let you know and in the meantime, wish me luck because if he shoots me down, I will feel like a dillweed.

LIFE: Where I broke up with him

I ended things with J. I wimped out and emailed him to do it. I could not do it over the phone. I can barely hold it together now, I can't imagine the train wreck I'd be on the phone.

But even though I know I have valid reasons and that it's better this way, I can't help but feel like an asshole because it's coming out of left field for him. I'm sure this is the last thing he expects from me. I need to not dwell on that though. I need to re-read the email and remember all the things he DIDN'T do. I need to be mad. I need to be cold and callous (thanks, Sis), I need to be a bitch about because although I'm sad now, I DESERVE BETTER.

I will talk to him at some point I hope. He needs to know that I truly care about him but we don't work as a couple anymore. He needs to know that when you go almost 3 months without seeing each other, for crappy reasons, it takes it's toll. He needs to know that when he puts going into a hurricane to earn some good money while my dad HAD to stay and ride it out for work and less money before me, it stings and it hurts.

He needs to know that I can no longer make him a priority in my life when I am just an option in his. (Thank you, Emily. I owe you a margarita and a bowl of white queso)

LIFE: Where I talk to Hurricane Ike

Hurricane Ike? You suck.

You are making life miserable for my dad, step-mom and sister. You are also currently wreaking havoc for my friend Kristen. You see Ike, Kris isn't really used to hurricanes. She a desert dwelling creature by nature so yeah, you are not high on her list right now. Nor are you high on my dad and sister's list. They are more used to it than Kris as they've lived down there forever. But because you are planning a very un-welcome visit, Daddy has to stay there and work (oh the joys of law enforcement), leaving my step-mom on her own with some friends, to drive to Louisiana. You are making my sister evacuate again with my 2 nephews. Not fun for them, Ike. Also? It looks like you may make MY life here in north Texas sucky too. I'm supposed to go out Saturday night and flirt with a cute boy and if you screw that up on top of everything else, I will be super pissed.

So yeah Ike, if you can, settle down a bit and not do so much damage as they say you will, would you? That would be great.

Signed,
Me

LIFE: Where I'm torn

I don't know what to do about a boy.

It's not working for me anymore. I never see him. We don't talk as much as we used to and I just don't see any effort on his part to change it. If you cared about someone and didn't get to spend a lot of time with them, wouldn't you at least let that person know that it sucks you can't be with them everyday? Wouldn't you be bending over backwards to let that person know you miss them and things will change soon? I've tried to make an effort. I wanted to go see him but his work got in the way. Again. I know he loves his work but I'm tired of playing second fiddle to the badge and the gun. Plus, his schedule stinks. He works total opposite hours as me. So tack that on top of a 2 hour distance between us and it's no wonder it's not really working anymore. I keep thinking about what my smart friend Emily said once..."Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs". It has stuck with me ever since. It's so simple but yet extremely profound. I guess that's why they let her teach kids, she's a smart one.

Also? I met another boy. Nothing has come of it yet. (Key word there is "YET") I'm working on that . I need to see if I can turn what I think is a small spark into at least a campfire and if it turns into a campfire, I can kick the wood out of the way and make a gasoline trail to start a raging fire :)

So yeah. I'm torn. How do you end it? I've always been the dumpee, never the dumper. I don't want to hurt him but at this point, I wonder if he'd even care. Maybe we're both thinking the same thing and we're both too chickenshit to do it. I'm kind of wishing he'll do it first.

This sucks.

(On the upside, water volleyball should be this Saturday and hopefully, New Boy will be there)