Friday, March 25, 2011

Life: The ABC's of me

ABC's of Me

A-Age: 37

B-Bed size: Queen (wish I had a king though)

C-Chore you hate: Folding & hanging clothes

D-Dogs: None

E-Essential start to your day: Coffee, enough said

F-Favorite Color: Red - it is my signature color

G-Gold or Silver:  typically silver but sometimes gold

H-Height:  5'6"

I-Instruments you play: None, I wasn't really musically gifted

J-Job title: Administrative Assistant (Extraordinaire)

K-Kids: None of my own but lots of "rentals" :)

L-Live: in a suburb of Dallas but wish I didn't...I hate the "big city"

M-My mom's name: Kay

N-Nickname: Mel...Lissa...Sasi...Ye-Ye, and the newest one, Rex

O-Overnight hospital stay: Nope.  Well, I think I did when I was like, 4...

P-Pet Peeve: Know-It-All's, people who mispronounce words (it's library, not liberry)

Q-Quote from a movie: "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion"

R-Right/Lefty: Right

S-Siblings: I have 3 sisters

T-Time you wake up: 5:30-6 o'clock...ugh

U-Underwear: um, I own some?

V-Veggies you dislike: Broccoli

W-What makes you run late: TRAFFIC, always stupid traffic

X-Xrays you've had: Left knee, twice, chest (for the pneumonia) and dental

Y-Yummy food you make: everything :-)

Z-Zoo animals: Lions and tigers and bears - oh my!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Life: Where I'm wondering

I'm wondering what is the craziest thing people have done for love?  Or potential love?  Moved cross country?  Across the world?  When you look at it like that, moving down an interstate by 2 hours doesn't seem so crazy.  I know I keep coming back to the subject of moving and being closer to Josh but I don't know what else to do.  Our relationship will never grow or get better if I don't move.  But what if I do and it doesn't work out?  What if it does?  To borrow a line from Miranda Lambert, "I guess if you don't jump, you'll never if you can fly".  I will catch so much grief from people if I move but the bottom line is, it's MY life.  Not theirs.  It's mine to live and mine to change and mine to screw up.  Or not live or not change or not screw up.  I just have to make a decision. 

Do I or don't I?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Life: Where the iPhone is magic and he saw me cry

So I saw Josh for the first time in I don't want to talk about it and it was, unfortunately, really good to see him.  I say unfortunately because I am supposed to be mad at him.  I want to be mad at him for being such a "guy" lately and I was mad until I saw him and he hugged me and took me to dinner.  Jerk. How do they do that?? 

We had, as usual, a great time together and I found it hilarious how quickly he took to my old iPhone that is now his "new iTouch".  He, at my direction, (and I know he secretly hated that I knew more than him about this), downloaded iTunes to his laptop because he can't do squat without it and got to getting addicted to his new toy.  He figured out rather fast how to get rid of all my stuff on there and put his stuff on there.  He has his own apps now,  his own stupid boy type games (guns, deer hunting, etc.) and some that I had that he actually liked.  He was browsing apps and said "There is an app for Target??" and I happily grabbed my phone, went to the 4th page of my apps and showed him that "yes, they do".  He laughed at that and said he should've known.  This went on for the next hour or so.  Him trying to figure out how to get his music from his computer to the phone, me telling him what to do, him brushing me off and then him doing exactly what I tried telling him and him getting all happy when it worked.  I was lying next to him saying things under my breath like "duh" and "hello?" and generally being a smarta$$ about it all and loving it :-)

We spent the next couple of hours just hanging out and being all cuddly and crap and it was fine and then he had to leave.  Not good.  I didn't want him to leave.  I told him that.  He didn't want to leave either but he had to.  I tried to get him to stay, I even threatened to tie him down but I didn't have any rope.  So much to my chagrin, he starts putting his socks and boots on and I started getting sad.  Again, not good.  So we head out to his truck and he comes around from the passenger side, walks to me and hugs me.  That's when it started...I started crying.  He asked me if I was OK and I told him no.  I managed to squeak out "I hate this, I hate living apart from you" and I stopped at that because I was about to go into the ugly cry.  He assured me things would get better, that it has been a really hard year for him (it has, I'll give him that), and everything will work out.  I told him I didn't meant to go all Girl on him and he said it was OK, he hugged me again, I tried to not let go, he kissed me and then he got in the truck.  For the 3rd time, not good.  He knew I was not handling this well, he reached out, grabbed my hand, asked me if I was going to be OK and at that point, I could barely look at him so I nodded my head "yes" and that was about it because I could feel the ugly cry coming on again and I was trying to keep it together.  I just looked at him, kissed him real quick and left it at that.  I waited until I was back inside to unleash the ugly cry.

This morning?  I woke up sad.  I miss him.  Badly.  Damn it.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Feeling a bit smug today

OK, a lot smug.  So you can call me Smuggy McSmuggerson.

I found out last night that a guy I sort of dated last year, the one that just got married a few weeks ago (see post below about "it happening again", married a crazy woman.  He knew if before he proposed and he really knows it now.  But that isn't what I am all smuggy about.  I am smuggy about the fact that he told my friend (and his ex-wife) that his "biggest mistake was not dating Melissa" and that he "could kick himself for not staying with me". 

Um, duh.  I could have told you that.

But alas, he was dumb and now the Good Ship Melissa-Pop has sailed.  And he missed out.

Sad too because, while our spark was more of a flicker to me, I could tell towards the end that if we had stayed the course that we were on, spending time together and talking and hanging out, that flicker might have lit up and turned into something more.  .

Oh well.  I wish him well and if it is Splitsville for him and his new bride, and it looks like it may go there sooner rather than later, I wish him an easy one.  He's a good guy and doesn't deserve the giant heaps of crazy she has served up.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

LIFE: Where I want to start over

Is starting over an option? 

I was thinking.  If I were to move to another town and "start over", would that be crazy?  I mean, what is so wrong with that?  Sure, I'd be a couple of hours away from my family and friends but 2 hours is easy.  Sure I would be in a whole new town which entails figuring out your way around and all that but that can be adventurous.  There would be new stores to shop in, new places to eat at and new things to do for fun.  I can explore a new city and that really does sound fun.  Work has been tough lately too.  Lots of issues and changes.  My job is OK I think as far as keeping it or whatever but lately, it's been tough to deal with.  The workload, the people, the constant drama.  Would it be so wrong to throw my pen down and walk out of my office? 

I don't know what is wrong with me but I sort of feel like doing something to shake it up.  I am feeling a little stagnant.  Did I spell that right?  Maybe I am just in a funk and need to snap out of it.  Maybe it's the weather?  Maybe once I see some green grass and flowers again I will feel better?  Who knows.  But in the meantime, I have 3 & 1/2 months to find a new place to live be it here or somewhere else.  Wish me luck. 

Monday, December 27, 2010

LIFE: Where it has happened again

Just when I thought I had made it through another holiday relatively unscathed...

Someone got engaged and it wasn't me. 

I know J & I have only been back together for almost 5 months but still, a girl can't help but wonder if and it will ever happen.  I should have asked Santa for patience this Christmas because clearly, I am out. 

Now can we just fast forward to New Years Day or even the day after? 

Thursday, October 21, 2010

LIFE: Where I hate

Seriously.  I am hating a lot of things.  Some are real and some are fluff but I am over them all the same.

I hate traffic and commuting.  I hate living in the "Dallas" area.  Dallas sucks.  Yeah there are a million and one things to do and yes, more malls and restaurants than the entire state of probably, well...I don't know, pick a state. 

I hate being broke.  Yes, I needed a car but not necessarily the car payment.  I am not famous so I can't just get a car nor do I have a sugar daddy that will buy me one.  The car payment is eating up a lot of what was my "play money".  Not to mention a higher cost of gas because the tank is bigger. 

I hate that my nails all decided to break and since cutting them off, they don't seem to be re-growing.

I hate that Jimmie Johnson is positioned to win his 5th straight NASCAR championship.  Enough already.  We get it.  You're good.  It's time to share the wealth.

I hate that my insurance costs will be higher in 2011.

I hate that I found out this week that a guy I knew in high school that was dearly loved by everyone, was killed, it seems like, at the hands of his girlfriend.  If he was the Popcorn I knew in HS, there would be absolutely no reason for that but I have to wonder, in this day and age, in the last 20 years, if he had gotten into a life that wasn't so good.  Did something happen to make him a different Popcorn? 

I hate that the Texas Rangers are not yet headed to the World Series.

I hate living so far away from J.  Things are going really good with us and I just wish we could spend more time together.  He mentioned me moving out there closer to him and while I think it's insane (I mean, dude still hasn't met my mom or best friend), I got to thinking...there's nothing saying I can't move a little closer to him, say, to a town about 30 minutes from him and not quite as far from home.  You know, for myself.  To "start over" if you will.  A smaller town.  A slower pace.  A shorter commute.  A new place to explore.  Possibly with the one person I know that lives there.  Why not?  I mean, I'm not totally convinced but I sure am thinking about it.  It might be crazy but it might be a good thing.  I am still chewing on it.  It would entail finding a job and an apartment and doing it all in order.  I mean, do I find a job first and hope I find an apartment?   Or apartment first then a job?  How do I know what to do when? 

I also hate that I could probably keep blogging but I won't because frankly, it's depressing.  I need to "suck it up, buttercup!" and figure out ways to change things I hate into things I like or at least change them enough to take them off the list :)


P.S. - Hopefully Friday night, I can come back here and blog about loving the fact that the Rangers ARE headed to the World Series.